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01–– Change, make my day!
–– Clint Eastwood.
02–– Kick the can down the road and it will finally hit the wall.
03–– In this company, there are two types of people: those who adapt and those who get left behind.
04–– I have a particular set of skills. Skills that make me a nightmare for incompetence.
05–– Your comfort zone? It just got a whole lot smaller.
06–– You had your chance. Now it is time for the grown-ups to take over.
07–– I love how in office politics, everyone is a team player—until it is time to pass the blame.
–– Steve Martin
08–– I have seen more decisive action at a sloth convention!
09–– You might be an executive if your biggest fear is someone finding out you do not actually know what you’re doing.
10–– The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good people to do what they wants done, and self-restraint to keep from meddling with them while they do it.
—–Theodore Roosevelt
11–– Deadwood does not float to the top here. It gets chopped.
12–– Adapt or die. It is that simple.
13–– Change is coming, and it is time to terminate the incompetence, not the incompetents.
14–– In this organization, the only thing that is constant is improvement.
15–– You want to play office politics? Well, this is not the job for you.
16–– I tried being reasonable. I did not like it.
17–– If change does not stick but you do, I’ll be back.
18–– Your performance is so bad, it is almost good. Almost.
19–– You call that leadership? My greatgrandparents could lead better, and while they were really good, they has been dead for over 50 years!
20–– I’ve seen better organization in a toy box!
21–– I know what you are thinking: How many chances do I get? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this restructuring, I've kind of lost count myself.
22–– The secret to surviving office politics? Just smile and pretend you are not plotting the downfall of anyone.
–– Steve Martin
23–– Your incompetence is so profound, it is almost a work of art.
24–– In this world, there are two kinds of people: those who work, and those who take credit. The second group is about to get terminated.
25–– You can run from change, but you cannot hide from progress.
26–– If incompetence were an Olympic sport, you would be bringing home the gold!
27–– Multitasking for an executive is making phone calls while pretending to read reports.
–– Steve Martin
28–– I am not saying your management style is outdated, but I saw it in a black-and-white film last night.
29–– You call that strategic deployment? I have seen better-organized riots.
30–– If I wanted to hear excuses, I would just talk to my kids about cleaning their rooms.
31–– Life is like a dogsled team. If you are not the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
—– Lewis Grizzard
32–– If this organization were any more dysfunctional, we would need a reality TV show to document it!
33–– If I wanted to hear nonsense, I would just tune into a soap opera—at least they have better plot twists!
34–– I am not saying you are clueless, but even Google would struggle to find your direction.
35–– In this world, there are two kinds of people: those who work, and those who take the credit. You better be in the first group.
36–– You have got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel effective? Well, do ya, punk?
37–– The only thing we are downsizing here is ineffectiveness.
38–– You have got to ask yourself one question: Am I adding value? Well, are ya?
39–– You are either part of the solution or part of the problem. Choose wisely.
40–– I am not in the business of making friends. I am in the business of making this business work.
41–– There is a new sheriff in town, and they have got zero-tolerance policy for incompetence.
42–– In this company, we do not just talk big; we deliver big.
43–– If you cannot handle the heat, get out of the boardroom! Actually, while you're at it, get yourself off the balcony and on the floor doing Genchi Genbutsu (go to the source to get the facts to make better decisions)!
44–– I do not have problems. I have targets for improvement. And right now, you are on the list.
45–– I have a very strict incompetence policy: if there is any around, I want to be in control of removing it, not incompetents!
46–– In this restructuring, the only thing we are protecting is long-term results. Hopefully, that includes you.
47–– Opinions are like excuses. Everybody has got one, but they do not change results.
48–– Failure is not an option—it is a stepping stone to success.
49–– Every setback is a setup for a comeback—let us get back to work!
50–– I am not here to be liked; I’m here to get results.
51–– I know what you are thinking. Did he fire six managers or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I kind of lost track myself.
52–– Opinions are like paychecks. Everybody has got one, but not all of them matter.
53–– You cannot handle the change!
54–– You want motivation? I will give you motivation - clear this desk or clear out!
55–– Remember when I said I would fire you last? I lied.
56–– I do not negotiate with bureaucracy.
57–– Our boss is so out of touch, they think SEO stands for Sending Emails Often.
58–– When the boss said, There is no I in team, I replied, That is true, but there is ME if you rearrange the letters.
59–– The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided.
–– Casey Stengel
60–– Never forget that only dead fish swim with the stream.
––Malcolm Muggeridge
61–– Why did the manager take up gardening? Because they wanted to cultivate their leadership skills!
62–– If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.
–– Dalai Lama
63–– People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
–– Isaac Asimov
64–– In corporate meetings, I always bring a pillow—just in case someone starts talking about synergy.
–– Steve Martin
65–– Delegating work works, provided the one delegating works, too.
–– Robert Half
66–– Before you criticize an executive , walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you’ll be a mile away and have their shoes.
–– Steve Martin
67–– Why was the executive always late to meetings? They were trying to find shortcuts to success.
68–– You know your executive is clueless when they ask for a report on how to make reports.
69–– The only thing clearer than your vision is my confusion about what you just said!
70–– You want results? Stop talking and start doing—unless your plan involves more meetings!
71–– Your idea of innovation is about as fresh as last week’s leftovers!
72–– This meeting is like a bad movie—too long and nobody knows how it ends.
73–– Your idea of teamwork is like herding cats—chaotic and utterly pointless.
74–– This strategy meeting is like a circus—plenty of clowns, but no one knows who’s in charge.
75–– You call that leadership? My dog has more vision when he chases his tail!
76–– I've seen more organized chaos in a food fight at a nursery.
77–– You want to see real chaos? Keep managing like that.
78–– I eat green berets for breakfast. And right now, your management style is looking mighty nutritious.
79–– You feeling innovative, punk? Well, are ya?
80–– This restructuring is about as smooth as a Glasgow pub fight at closing time.
–– Billy Connolly
81–– The higher up you go, the less you know. Act accordingly.
82–– Get to the top of your game, or get out of my sight!
83–– In this company, we lift each other up—or we lift each other out.
84–– Stop making excuses and start making progress!
85–– You want results? Stop whining and start grinding!
86–– Remember, big shot: Out here, competence is everything.
87–– In this company, performance talks and bull... walks.
88–– Your comfort zone just became the danger zone. Adapt or perish.
89–– You feeling lucky, manager? Well, are you?
90–– Change is the only constant. Incompetence is optional.
91–– Survival is optional
–– W. Edwards Deming
92–– You can get on board with these changes, or you can get out of the way. Your choice.
93–– Your comfort zone? It just got a whole lot smaller.
94–– In this company, there are two types of people: those who adapt and those who get left behind.
95–– I have a particular set of skills. Skills that make me a nightmare for incompetence.
96–– Change, make my day!
97–– I suffer from the condition of over-confidence.
98–– The death knells of change are the deadly combination of arrogance, ignorance, and lip service.
–– John Coleman
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